i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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