Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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