i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
