Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
