Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
