i just had sex bonerless
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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