At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
