so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
