good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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