Christians are straight up FREAKS
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
