Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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