Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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