Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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