Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
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my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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