Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
