Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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