Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
