I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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