I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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