I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
