not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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