Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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