I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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