The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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