Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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