Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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