Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize