When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
