he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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