I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
