Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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