you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
