Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
