just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
