You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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