I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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