D3 body, D1 cock
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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