I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize