just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
