apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
