Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
