Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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