Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
