are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
