I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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