Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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