I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
