I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
