my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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