You can't special order awesome
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
