i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we're making bets on your personal life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
