im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
