I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
