So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
