And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
