OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
