just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
