Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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