I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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