I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We left the knife in your bed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
