He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The feeling are messing with the penis
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
